Taking Stock: Major/Minor Accomplishments

Toastmasters District Table Topics Champion
Published articles
Published cover story for major magazine
Invented 5 patent-pending technologies
Neal Award nominee
Over 50 professional speaking engagements
Invited to speak in the Industry Experts room twice, on the big stage
6th grade chess champion
Professional music gig at age 17
Played trombone on ABC Sports
Married 21 years
Technical Lead of first SAML-based federation in the world
Teaching myself Mandarin Chinese
Distinguished Toastmaster
District 40 Toastmaster of the Year
President's Distinguished Area first time as Area Governor
Dug a dry well, manually
Learned plumbing
Learned electrical wiring
Remodeled basement
Installed garage door by self
Actually successfully assembled swingset
First professional programming job at age 15
1400 on SAT
Mensa qualified
Top Olympia math score as Freshman
Beta Gamma Sigma inductee (MBA)
MBA
CISSP
SSCP
CISSP-ISSAP
CISM
Security+
e-Biz+
CITP
GIAC
All the above passed on the first try
Highest CISM score in state of Ohio in 2005
I have many friends
QIWT - Qualified Irish Whisky Taster
Provost of successful Security MBA program
Ran successful CISSP training course for 5 years
Got drivers license without taking driving test
Taught myself how to change my own oil
Built biodiesel processor from scratch
Married a virgin as a virgin
4 mission trips to Caribbean
Adopted two children from China
Raised two teenagers
Taught daughter how to drive without a shed tear
Taught myself how to crochet
Went from zero to billable programming in 2 days
Ran multi-node BBS
International speaking experience
Enormous johnson
Replaced my own roof
Top vertical leap in my high school

Dis-accomplishments
Downsized from job twice in a row
Totally suck as a Treasurer
Even more suck as a hunter
Have never solved Rubic's Cube
Still wet the bed. That's a joke.
Backed into a gas pump once
Had to kill a rabbit with a club
Failed as Y2K Project manager
Once deleted all user accounts from main server
Once hit sister on temple with golf club - accidentally!
Once kicked brother through wall - purposefully!
Dug "Houser's Folly" in the back yard
Failed 3 college courses
Had boss from hell